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[Smooth Jazz] [Audience cheering wildly] Good morning everyone. [Yawning] I’m Funny Family Halloween Costume Shirt – Ice
and Baby Ian. Today we’re going to be trying a few delicious frozen breakfast meals. I
hope you’re as [yawning] excited as I am. [Sluuurp] Let’s go to the kitchen! [Audience applauding] Okay, so. Normally when I film a video, I
do it in the late afternoon/early evening time. That’s usually when I got most of my
energy going, but today since we’re doing a breakfast video, I thought it’d be fun to
film immediately after waking up because that’s normally when I should be having breakfast. [Squeaking] Um… I already regret this decision, so let’s get
started. [Laughs] Before I go any further, I have to get coffee, so [yawning] come on, let’s get
some coffee. [Toilet flushing] Some people aren’t gonna be too happy with
my decision, but I’m still a Folgers man. Gotta have some Folgers in the morning. [Pleasant piano music] [Bloop] [Pouring] [Stirring] Okay, so. Before we get started, I think it’s
important for me to discuss my relationship with breakfast, so we get a good – you know. [World’s Sleepiest DJ Music] Y’know? I’m a huge fan of breakfast foods. I like
sausage, I like the egg, I like the cheese. The problem is, I don’t like eating in the
morning. Something about eating right after I wake up makes me feel gross? I dunno. I
don’t like it. Breakfast foods are delicious, so I’m really
excited to try them. We have five different foods from five different companies, and they’re
gonna duke it out in a breakfast battle. Uh… fight. It’s early. [Laughs] [Rad ragtime music] Let’s see… who do we want to start with?
Let’s just go left to right, here. First up, we’re trying the Hot Pockets brand sandwiches
Sausage, Egg & Cheese with a low fat mozzarella cheese & sauce in a croissant-ant crust. It
looks… scary. [Man screaming] [Rip] [Beard scratch] [Fake Cameraman]: Ow! [Disapproving audience] It looks pretty typical. Looks like a Hot
Pocket. I’m a fan of Hot Pockets — specifically, I’m a fan of the Lean Pockets Pepperoni Pizza.
Those things were my jam for a little while. Man, do I love those Lean Pockets. Okay, so
we’re supposed to unwrap the sandwich, stick it in the sleeve… and cook it on High for
about two minutes. And then that’s it. [Jazzy jazz] Thisps- it does smell very breakfastststy
in here, which I’m a fan of. Also a really big fan of sausage, egg and cheese. It’s one
of my favorite combinations (sts). A big, big, big, big, big, big fan. Big fan. Huge. Giant fan! Big, big, big, big, big, big fan. I still feel, like, half-asleep. I need more…
[slurps] Okay, let’s wait no longer. I hope I don’t
burn myself. It’s still very, very hot. I can just feel it – it’s like a campfire. I could
gather around in the cold and keep my young warm around the Yuletide Hot Pocket Log. It’s so drippy on the bottom. Not into that. [Jammin’ organ tunes] First bite was all crust. I caught a corner,
which were usually my favorite parts. All crust. Problem is, the crust doesn’t taste
like anything. Doesn’t taste like a croissant, doesn’t taste like bread. It tastes like nothing,
so… kind of a bummer there. [Chomp] Okay! I really like that sausage! [Cymbal crash] I’m actually pretty impressed. That’s really
tasty. The sausage is really the main star of this… “meal?” I feel like there’s not quite as much cheese
or egg as I thought there would be. It’s mostly sausage, which is not necessarily a bad thing. The more I eat it, the more I like it, honestly. It’s not gonna replace a homemade
breakfast, or even a fast food breakfast, but for a grab ‘n go I need something in the
morning, ’cause I’m… sprinting to my business meeting across town in the desert. Hot Pockets brand hot sandwiches
breakfast sandwich is a good option. I think it’s the spice in the sausage
that makes it so good. It’s the flavor that lingers after you’re done eating it. It’s
– it’s really good. Really good. [Crunch] I’m still only half-awake, so I’m having trouble
thinking up a rating system for this video, so I’m gonna be rating these breakfast foods
once again by a emotion chart. Today, specifically, I’m going to be using this Emotions chart.
I guess Hot Pocket Sausage, Egg & Cheese makes me feel surprised? And like, maybe animate
some Hot Pockets going in my mouth? That’s what it makes me feel like. But I give Hot
Pockets Sausage, Egg & Cheese the rating of Surprised! [Ominious tones] So congratulations. But we can’t just trust
me, it’s only my show so who cares what I have to say – let’s see what the Internet
thinks about these sandwiches. Most of these reviews are pretty positive
and I’m not surprised because it’s pretty tasty. bigboyyy says, Bangerzzzz. The consensus seems to be it’s great for a
quick, on-the-go breakfast snack, and I tend to agree. [Sploosh] [Chill, but energetic music – like from Animal Crossing] Oh, boy. Okay. Um, well, next up we have Jimmy
Dean Pancakes & Sausage On a Stick! This is one of those things where I can’t decide if
this is an intriguing, cool idea or a horrible, terrifying idea. I’m not totally sure yet.
It says it’s Pancake batter covering a sausage link, and Jimmy Dean does make some pretty
good sausage links. My guess is that I’m not gonna like the pancake. My guess is that the
pancake is gonna be maybe soggy, or weird texture or something. My guess is that the
pancake’s gonna ruin it for me, but let’s see. [Ripping] [Cat meowing] Well, they come individually wrapped. The
pancake’s also pretty dark. I dunno, I guess I expected more of a blonde pancake situation
that would brown up in the microwave, but maybe that’s just too unrealistic of expectations.
Okay, so we’re going to remove from wrapper, and place on a plate, microwave for 50 seconds.
Looks very corny-doggy. [Car squealing; crash] [People screaming] [Muffled people screaming] Okay, so I think I might’ve forgotten to turn this camera
on when I was opening this. Uh… sorry. It’s done now though, let’s get it. [Sniff] Hmmm… I’ll be honest, I’m not quite sure what to
make of this yet. The smell, the uh… I’m gonna poke it. [Boing] Uhhh… Ehhh… Mehhhhh? Mehhhhh! Maybe I just
spend the rest of the video making noises like that. [MEEHHHHHH] I almost feel like I should put some butter
on it. It’s pancakes, right? I almost feel like I should put some butter on it or dip it in
syrup, but I’m just gonna try it plain first and we can go from there. It smells pretty good, but you can see the
wrinkles on top here, which makes me feel like it’s gonna be kinda spongy and not great.
But let’s – here we go. [Dancy music with flute] It’s very hot. [Scratching] I don’t know if I like that. I don’t like
it, but why not? I’m not sure. It’s really sweet? It’s really sweet! It almost feels
like it has a layer of syrup already on it. It says that it’s a fully-cooked maple sausage
link, so it’s possible that it’s the maple sausage link making it taste like it has syrup on
it already. Would not recommend putting extra syrup on here, it’s sweet enough as is. [Blubbing] [Pop!] I don’t like it! I still can’t put my tonguefinger
on what it is I don’t like about it. I think it’s a very mushy pancake mixed with a very
mushy sausage, and when you chew it a little bit, it just kind of feels like this sugary
mush in your mouth. It kinda makes me a little nauseous, if I’m being honest. I guess the
nausea could be related to me eating breakfast for the first itme in a couple years? Who
knows. But it almost kind of tastes like a funnel
cakey – that’s what it reminds me of, like a funnel cake fried fair food? Which is not
great to eat first thing in the morning. I dunno. It – it could’ve gone a lot worse,
but I think it could’ve gone a lot better. Not my favorite. Not my favorite. I really
hate to say it, but on the Feelings Chart, it kinda seems like Jimmy Dean’s Pancakes
& Sausage on a Stick makes me feel a little bit angry. [Tropical coffee shop vibe music] That may be a strong word for what I’m feeling,
but man, these kids aren’t expressing their emotions as clear as they should. They all
look exactly the same. What is the difference between these, kids? Come on! It looks like
these have significantly higher ratings than the Hot Pockets, which surpriseseses me. Janet says that she would buy them again. [Reads review] Shannon1993 says that she loves it, but when
she opened her box there was a pancake sealed with only half in it. [Laughs] Really disappointed. It looks like someone just [crunch] bit off
of the end and stuck it right back in there. LethaR says, [Reads title] If you eat these regularly, you are now required
to call them Flapsticks. [Reads review] It kinda seems like my opinion differed from
the opinions of the general public regarding the Flapsticks, but like we always say on
the show, I’m right, don’t listen to any of these idiots. “Who cares what I have to say…” All right. What do we have n- no, no… [Sings] I forgot I bought this~ Banquet Sausage & Gravy Deep Dish. If you’re familiar with my channel, you know
that we have a bit of a history with Banquet meals. This one was just too strange-looking
to pass up. It is a breakfast pot pie. I’m a big fan of Pot Pies, but… the Banquet
label makes me extremely nervous. It does have a flaky crust made from scratch,
which sounds promising. Hmm… Is it just me, or does that look… a little
bit sad? Does that look a little sad to you? Eh… I dunno. I guess it looks… okay enough. Supposed to cut a slit in the top of it. [Creaking] Somehow… it’s very, uh, frozen. [Creaking] [Pop!] Okay, well. Hopefully that’s good enough,
I guess? How long? Four minutes? [Rock music stops] [Microwave hum] Well, I definitely smell the crust. Um….
Huh. [Laughs] I mean, it looks… cooked? Here it is, in all of its pot pie glory. All
I really smell is the crust, if you handed this to me, I would not know that it was a
breakfast pot pie, I would just assume it was a really cheapo pot pie. Let’s see, here… [Gooey gross noises] Okay, well I want to get some of the crust,
too. Haah… Yum yum! Smells a lot like a cheap sausage. Cheap breakfast
sausage, which always smells to me kinda like wet dog? [Sad cello music] [Chomp] It’s fine? Honestly, the taste that’s coming
through strongest is the gravy, probably because there’s just so much of it? Which doesn’t
surprise me, because it’s a Banquet meal, so… you know it’s gonna be mostly gravy
to cut down on the costs, I’m assuming. [Gulp] Tastes like nothing. [Beautiful flute noises] [Crowd applause] Sausage is really not too bad. It’s honestly not
as good as the Hot Pocket sausage. I think I might actually prefer it to the Jimmy Dean sausage because it’s not so sweet? I feel like if I sat down and ate this for breakfast, though,
I would probably just dig out all of the sausage and eat that. ‘Cause the gravy is not too impressive, and
the crust doesn’t taste like anything, so what’s the point? [Crunching] You know, when you get really close up to
it, it kinda looks like an alien planet or something. [Laughs] [Space music, probably] Okay, so. Final verdict on the Banquet Sausage
and Gravy Deep Dish: it’s not as bad as I thought it was gonna be. Y’know, Banquet is
turning out to be a real wild card. Sometimes it’s okay, sometimes it’s terrible. But it’s
better than I would expect from Banquet. That said, it’s still not very good. Honestly,
I think the gravy is what really brings it down for me. It’s just really weak. Y’know,
I don’t mind if you’re gonna overload it with gravy on the inside to cut costs. I mean,
I mind, but it makes sense. But if you’re gonna do that, you gotta have a good gravy. [Squeaking] I guess if I were to sum up my feelings into
one emotion on the chart, I would say the Banquish – Banquish? I would probably say
that they make me feel empty. [Silence but for wind] Just empty. Let’s look for a second opinion! I swear, every time I go shopping I pick up
a few so I can actually eat breakfast in the morning, otherwise Iam? not a breakfast person in the morning. Ooh-ooh-ah-ooh-one fourth-ah-ah-eee! Love these so much! Wish I could eat one every morning. Lawl. [Audience laughing] I gotta admit, these reviews for these breakfast
items are way higher than I expected. It really seems like the convenience of a quick breakfast
makes up for the taste for a lot of people. This *is* a very quick breakfast. Not gonna
say it’s delicious, but it is pretty quick. [Fwoop!] [Piano sting] Huuuuuuuuuuuuhhhh…. [Higher pitched] Haaaaaaaaaahhhhh… I should not have gotten five of these, I
should’ve gotten three. I don’t know what I was thinking, but I already said five, so
I’ve committed. Let’s get number four over with, it’s Great Value Bacon Egg & Cheese
Croissant! This just looks scary. These, uh, microwave sandwiches I always try to avoid
’cause they’re never very good – oh my god. I’m very picky about my breakfast sandwiches
and I can already tell that I’m probably not gonna have a fun time with this one. [Rip] [Chill piano] This just does not look… fun. Uhm, we- uh,
let’s open it up. We can examine every part of this sandwich before we heat it up. [Fwoop!] [Fwoop!] [Fwoop!] So this is what we’re gonna be eating, got
the croissant over here. It looks fine, I mean it looks like bread at least. The…
is this bacon? Is this supposed to be bacon? The bacon – uh… it sure is a patty of… [Sniff] [Kissy noise] Some type of meat. It’s very thin, definitely
not as robust a bacon as it could be. And then there’s the egg and cheese. And, I don’t
know. Is this making anyone else hungry? Because, man oh man, do I want to eat this. Okay, it’s actually supposed to be in the
bag, so I gotta put all these pieces back… back in the bag. Microwave on 30% power for one
minute, microwave on High for 40 seconds. That’s a pain! [Tick tock] [Jazzzzzz] Emmmmm noooo… Uh, ugh! It’s soggy at the bottom! Okay. Well,
here’s our lovely breakfast, um… Get the- [Glass shatters] It’s very… soggy. Uh, it looks very soggy…
it feels very soggy… It’s just not a good situation over here right now. It’s just…
Things are looking bleak. [Laughs] [Dong dong] [Drum kit] [Cymbal crashes] [Applause] Surprisingly, the smell that comes through
the most out of all of this business is the bacon patty, so maybe that’ll be good? I could
ss- I could pull this out and only eat the bacon if I wanted to. [Crunch] Mm-mm. Oh, no. Nope! It started out okay. It started out – I was
a little bit impressed. I mainly just tasted the bacon, which is a great flavor. But once
the egg and the cheese caught up with me… No. No. Just no. [Crunch] There’s like, a little bit of cheese hanging
off on this side? Um, no more, thank you. Let’s just try the
bacon patty. Let’s just – maybe if I just eat this. [Chomp] That is some really crappy bacon. This breakfast
croissant is pretty much everything I hate in frozen breakfast all at once. One of the
things I hate most about it is the bag. When it has you cook it in the bag, what it does
is it steams the sandwich. And I think they do that to melt the cheese? Maybe? But what
ends up happening is it makes the entire sandwich, just, soggy. I’ve got this thing about wet
bread. I don’t want moist – I don’t want damp bread. Don’t make my bread soggy, I – it grosses
me out, makes me gag, I don’t like it. The bacon was, at least, bacon. It wasn’t great,
but I recognized it as bacon. And that’s about as big of a compliment as I can give to it. [Applause] It really seems like people are digging these
breakfast items, so maybe people like the Great Value one as well. It’s got 4 1/2 stars, 181 reviews! What am
I missing, here? Neenie says, They’re Tres Bon! [Reads review] GemmieGirl says, Omg, suuuu good! Goodbye
Burger King Drive Thru, five stars. I’ve never had Burger King’s breakfast sandwiches,
I’m not a huge Burger King fan, but a lot of the reviews are comparing it directly to Burger
King’s Croissant Breakfast Sandwiches. So if you’re a fan of those, maybe give these a try? [Commercial, sing/chanting]: A yummy, tasty hoot! A party in your tummy~ Hey, where did you get that flute? [Flute noise] At the end of the day, I guess these breakfast
sandwiches make me feel, uh… enraged? This is just the worst emotion chart I think I’ve
ever seen. You can’t tell the difference between half of these emotions! These aren’t gonna
help kids understand what they’re feeling. Hopeless, disgusted, ashamed, jealous, depressed,
exhausted, it’s all the same feeling. It’s all the exact same feeling kids, don’t worry.
If your face looks like that, you’re probably feeling all of these things at once. I will
say that I’m feeling pretty ecstatic that we’re finally on our last breakfast item. [Glass breaking] Okay. We are ending on a high note, we are
eating a kolache [Sub note: meat varieties are actually called Klobásník], one of the best breakfast items on the planet. Nothing too exciting to see here, it’s a roll with a sausage in it. [Electrocution noises] All right, don’t let me down kolache [Klobásník], don’t
let me down. Let’s end on a high note here. Smells okay. I don’t know that I’m gonna say
that it smells great, but it smells okay. It’s a roll with a sausage in it. Revolutionary,
really. Can your brain comprehend it? Man, the plate is just wet. Which, I’ve expressed
how I feel about wet breads, but… maybe, maybe um… [Crunch] [Swelling Classical music] Um… hmm. I’m… bummed. I’m sad. That bite made me sad! It has nothing to do with how it’s assembled
or prepared, I’m just not a fan of the sausage that they used. I don’t know anything about
Great Dave foods, I don’t know if they make sausage just regularly, but I’m just not into
their choice of sausage for their sausage roll. It wasn’t bad. I mean, it was edible.
It was fine. Nothing wrong with it, really. I just wasn’t into the sausage that they chose.
It definitely did not remind me of the kind of sausage that I usually find in those sausage rolls. I expect the reviews should be pretty good
on this one, because the breakfast items that I absolutely hated people still seemed to
really enjoy, so people probably like this one as well. I can’t even find these on the Internet. I
can find some similar sausage rolls, but they also have cheese in them. I’m having trouble
finding – I can’t find these on the Internet. So, it’s very possible that these don’t actually
exist. Um, but, I don’t have any other reviews for this one, so you guys just have to go
on my opinion, which is… “Meh! They’re okay. Eh.” If I’m being honest, they kinda make me feel
lonely, helpless, disgusted, ashamed, jealous, depressed, and exhausted. But now it’s time to find out
how these breakfastststs stack up against each other! [Eagle cry] To do that I’ll be stacking the boxes from
worst breakfast all the way up to the best breakfast. [Game show jams; audience applause] There we have our – our rating, here. With
our champion on top. That was a lot of fun. It was fun, and my stomach hurts. So, way
to go. [Tumbling blocks] That’s gonna be it for the breakfast this
morning. I hope you enjoyed hanging out with me in the A.M. today. Don’t think I’m gonna
be doing another morning filming video anytime soon, but it was pretty interesting. It was
pretty nice – it did kinda feel like we woke up together to eat some really crappy breakfast,
and that’s fun. If you’re new here and you like what you saw be sure to check out more
of my BrutalFoods videos, there’s a lot to watch and there’s more on the way, so thanks
fo much for supporting my content, you guys, and I will be back with another video really
soon. Really soon.
[High-pitched] Aaaaaahhh Thank you guys so much for watching, but before
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