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If you’re watching this with your significant other, it’s time to turn to each other and repeat after me: I love you (I love you) But let’s be honest (but let’s be honest )we’re basically friends pretending it’s still there (we’re basically friends pretending it’s still there) and pretending is for children (and pretending is for children) which means we’re still in touch with our youth (Which means we’re still in touch with our youth) and therefore our relationship is strong (and therefore our Relationship is strong) but only really as friends ( but only as friends) that used to have sex (that used to have sex) but never will again (but never will again.) happy Valentine’s Day sweetie pumpkin muffin huffin puffin crumblin’ dumplin’ You Suck At ROMANCE Yeah You Totally Suck Okay, if you survived that, congratulations! Your relationship is in a really good place or you’re in super deep denial both equally difficult Accomplishments (hand hits cutting board) good job. you’re gonna need one cup of packed brown sugar, One fork, half a cup of melted butter, You’re gonna mix this together the old-fashioned way, which is clockwise. You can just quit and eat that with a spoon woah, I just whistled. I’m gonna take whoops, one teaspoon of pure vanilla extract One egg that doesn’t have a personality Get those mixed up ’till you got this buttery rich caramely Sauce, look at that. Don’t you want to just eat a spoonful of this? No you don’t, cuz there’s raw egg in it. now we’re Gonna take one and a half cups of all-purpose flour quarter teaspoon of baking soda and half a teaspoon of salt wang jangle that together with something that’s got some good mustard stains on it. why don’t you guess what happens next? WRONG what we’re gonna do is start to Combine all these ingredients into one thing you thought we were gonna bake them separately but you’re dumb. Just go until you got a pretty good dough here then we’re gonna take a whole cup of chocolate chips oh yeah so many chocolate chip cookies are under chocolate chipped that ends NOW. all right so I’ve pre parchment paper this pan you can use a regular pan and add the Parchment paper after if you want to and then we’re just gonna take Not even ping-pong ball size really, I made these earlier I could only fit six I feel like I’ve shrunk in the time-space reality Okay, “Undo’s on 3:70-fundo” (whispers) good journey! Alright so they’re just starting to get a little golden that might be too much but you decide there’s lots of leeway here you can Go less, cooked more chewy, more cooked less chance of getting salmonella Congratulations you’re a romantic person if you’ve baked someone Cookies it’s such a nice thing to do but there are other options for example if you want to be super romantic a heart cookie says I have some pretty good feelings about you but I also don’t have an original bone in my body and I just do what the Corporation’s taught me to do, and by the way I love you sweetie honey pumpkin Pie darling so much. or Make a cookie in the shape of a car to say baby I love you so much let’s go on a road trip or Sometimes I wish I could just get in the car and drive and drive and drive and never look back Happy Valentine’s Day I love you Or bake your cookie into the shape of a hammer to say babe you’re so handy around the house I really appreciate how you fix all the stuff that’s broken or for Christ’s sakes Jason would you mind fixing the back, deck finally? so don’t step on a nail and get lockjaw? Happy Valentine’s Day love you Or make a cute little baby to say honey I think it’s time we start a family. or- you are so FUCKING IMMATURE I’m not even mad at you. I’m mad at myself for not being able to see in advance, and now I can’t even bring it up because I don’t have to admit that I’ve been resenting this aspect of you for years which would just make me feel vulnerable Which is so unfair cuz you’re the living child. Happy Valentine’s Day. But look, whatever you cookie choose just remember that in the end there’s really nothing more romantic than Honesty. Honesty is is the best thing for Being honest. probably not the best thing if you’re feeling good in the short term But you’ll probably be better off in the long term pretty sure or at least I know someone who’s a psychiatrist who would probably repeat that if I force them to Happy Valentine’s Day. brought to you by finger guns and agave juice ♪Relationships are weird♪ ♪They’re usually good for about a year♪ ♪Until you start getting to the difficult stuff and you feel like you’ve had enough♪ ♪Oh god don’t give up unless it really sucks in which case steal their truck♪ ♪you suck at being♪ ♪Romantic but maybe if you worked at it just a little bit you wouldn’t suck so bad so make some chocolate chip cookies tonight♪ ♪Oh my god you suck♪

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