by Gene Kilian
Top 10 WORST Fast Food Mascots Ever
While there are many fast food mascots that we love, there are just as many that we, well, to put it bluntly, just can’t stand. When it comes to creating a …
While there are many fast food mascots that
we love, there are just as many that we, well, to put it bluntly, just can’t stand. When
it comes to creating a good mascot, playing it safe is boring. And, as you’ll see later,
there is always the unpredictability of something going horribly wrong. So let’s count down
the ten worst fast food mascots of all time. Spongmonkeys – Quiznos With so many terrible fast food mascots to
choose from, there’s no time to mess around. For that reason, we’re jumping straight
into the good stuff with a mascot so bad we can’t help but love him. Fast food mascots
are supposed to sell the brand, encouraging old customers to return and new customers
to give it a try. Unfortunately, this Quiznos mascot does the polar opposite. If you don’t
know who we’re referring to by this point, consider yourself lucky. With its googly eyes
and too-human teeth, this creature, whatever it was supposed to be, gave us nightmares
for the better part of the early 2000s. This fictional creature belongs to the species
spongmonkey. In Quiznos commercials, this misshapen gerbil appeared to us in a bowler
hat (because Quiznos is a classy establishment) and aggressively announced that “we love
the subs, coz they are good to us!” We appreciate the endorsement but, we can safely say, the
next time we eat at Quiznos, it won’t be because of this thing of nightmares. Oven Mitt – Arby’s This Arby’s mascot looks like something
out of a bad Pixar movie. He’s known as Oven Mitt (whether it’s first name Oven,
last name Mitt remains a mystery, but he always goes by both). This mascot looks pretty much
exactly how you’d expect. He’s a white oven mitt with eyes, a mouth, and a surprisingly
thick and shapely set of eyebrows (he’s definitely seeing an esthetician). The first
commercials he appeared in were part of an ad campaign that was intended to give customers
an exclusive sneak peek of what goes on behind the scenes at Arby’s. For those of you who
have been plagued by that question, Arby’s worst-kept secret is that they roast their
beef instead of frying or grilling it, which helps it stay juicy. Oven Mitt acted as our
eyes on the inside, showing us what goes on in an Arby’s kitchen. Sometimes, he’d
act as moral support, but, more often than not, Oven Mitt was right in the thick of things,
being used to protect the hands of the human employees as they pulled the roast beef from
the oven. It wasn’t long before Oven Mitt was retired from his role as mascot. This
probably had something to do with how tacky the commercials were. Sausage Mascot – Denny’s A few years ago, Denny’s came out with a
series of new mascots, each of them an anthropomorphic breakfast food. There was a pancake, a slice
of bacon, a fried egg, and a sausage. The first three, we have no real problems with.
Unfortunately, we can’t say the same thing about the sausage. Some have criticized the
sausage for his unfortunate resemblance to South Park character, Mr. Hankey. Others were
more direct, comparing him to a… human waste sample, to put it delicately. Not really something
you want to be representing your restaurant. In response to the mockery (because there
was a lot of it), Denny’s tweeted a picture of the sausage mascot looking dejected, being
comforted by the bacon mascot. The picture was captioned: “I’m just a sausage, I
can’t help the way I look.” Unfortunately for him, no amount of sympathy will make him
look any less like…. well, you know. Regardless of the backlash, Denny’s stood by the design
of the sausage mascot, claiming that it looked just like the real thing, which makes us wonder
what kind of sausages Denny’s is serving. Chuck E. Cheese – Chuck E. Cheese’s How is it that, as children, we never questioned
the decision to make a rat the face of a fast food chain? Well, here’s the deal. The famous
rat wasn’t actually supposed to be the mascot for this restaurant. In fact, Chuck E. Cheese
was never supposed to be Chuck E. Cheese. In a confusing turn of events, a rat costume
was mistaken for a coyote, and purchased with the intention of being used for the mascot
of a new pizzeria, which was to be named Coyote Pizza. It was only after the costume had been
paid for and delivered that the truth came out. This may have been because the original
Chuck E. Cheese mascot was so creepy that whoever bought it couldn’t manage to look
directly at it. Over the years, Chuck E. Cheese went from creepy to cutesy, and kids everywhere
rallied to have their birthday parties at the restaurant he endorsed. But, if you want
our opinion, the restaurant health inspectors should have kicked this rat out of the kitchen
years ago. If all this wasn’t enough, the animatronic version of Chuck E. Cheese could be straight
out of some people’s nightmares; something about a robotic rat with those creepy eyes
is enough to make any kid with a fear for that sort of thing just run home from the
birthday party. Grimace – McDonald’s Ronald McDonald might be the best-known McDonald’s
mascot, but he’s by no means the only one. The fast food giant’s less popular mascot
was Grimace, a fuzzy purple creature shaped like a gumdrop. The enduring question of “what
exactly is Grimace” is one for the ages. All we know is that his character has absolutely
nothing to do with McDonald’s or even fast food in general. He looked like a D-tier Muppet
Show character. The current iteration is meant to be adorable and loveable, but the original
concept for the character was creepy and menacing. This version of the character’s MO was milkshake
robbery, and he was referred to as Evil Grimace. Evil Grimace is mildly more interesting than
regular Grimace, but points are lost for the lazy naming. This version of the character
was scrapped because he frightened children, which isn’t exactly what you’re going
for when trying to promote a family-friendly establishment. It’s probably a good thing
they changed the character, because another McDonald’s mascot, the Hamburglar is known
for stealing hamburgers, and there isn’t enough room in this restaurant for two criminal
masterminds. Chihuahua – Taco Bell Not only did this mascot fail to increase
sales for Taco Bell, it actually ended up losing them money in an embarrassing lawsuit.
That being said, we feel a bit guilty about including Gidget, or as she’s usually known,
the Taco Bell Chihuahua, on this list, because all dogs are good dogs, and it’s not her
fault she got roped into this failed ad campaign. In the commercials, the Taco Bell Chihuahua
was dubbed as saying “Yo quiero Taco Bell!”, which translates to “I want Taco Bell!”.
This catchphrase actually made its way into the mainstream, but the commercials didn’t
do the fast food chain any good. After a huge decline in sales, the company’s president
was replaced, and the ads were pulled. A few years later, Taco Bell was sued by two men
from Michigan who claimed that they’d pitched the idea of a Chihuahua mascot six years before
the Taco Bell Chihuahua made her first appearance and that they hadn’t received the appropriate
compensation for their contributions. This was, well, actually proven true after an investigation
and eventual court proceedings. In the end, the judge ruled in their favor, and Taco Bell
had to dish out over forty million dollars. It’s probably safe to say that Taco Bell has
some regrets when it comes to this Chihuahua, though some people love it and claim it put
Taco Bell on the map, so it’s not a total flop. The Noid – Domino’s In the eighties, Domino’s came out with
a new mascot called The Noid. The character gets points for creativity and is very unique
to say the least. However, unfortunately, he was the cause of a terrible event. The
Noid was designed to look like a comic book character and wore a skin-tight red suit with
the letter “N” emblazoned on his chest. For whatever reason, the hood part of the
costume had rabbit ears attached to it. The Noid embodied all the challenges that could
prevent a Domino’s pizza from fulfilling its promise of being delivered in thirty minutes
or less. Of course, he was never successful, and customers always received their pizza
in the expected timeframe. While Domino’s denies that this was the reason behind their
decision to retire The Noid, in the late eighties, a man named Kenneth Lamar Noid entered a Domino’s
armed with a gun and held two employees hostage for several hours. He believed that Domino’s
had used his name as inspiration for The Noid, and that the character was designed as a personal
attack targeted towards him. He forced the employees to call Domino’s headquarters,
demanding ransom money and a white limousine as a getaway vehicle. He also demanded that
they make custom pizzas for him. Luckily, Noid eventually surrendered to the police
and no one was harmed, but this awful event caused the mascot to lose some of his charm. The Cow – Chick-fil-A Pretty much everyone knows that the Chick-fil-A
logo is a chicken. It makes sense since it’s a restaurant that specializes in chicken sandwiches.
Plus, the word “chick” is right there in the name. And yet, the executive decision
was to make the mascot… a cow. This ad campaign, which featured cows encouraging people to
“Eat more chicken” is pretty goofy. After all, besides chicken, the main fast food ingredient
is beef. So, the logic is that of course cows would want consumers to choose chicken instead.
This does seem like a good business strategy, maybe not one to use as a marketing scheme
though. That said we see what they were going for here. The joke is funny – the first
time. That’s the main issue with this campaign: it all revolves around a single joke. It would
be fair to say that Chick-fil-A went a little bit overboard with it. There are billboards,
calendars, and even a chatline. It’s been over twenty years now, and no one’s really
laughing anymore. It would be nice to see them flex their creative muscles and come
up with something fresh, instead of relying on the same old thing time and time again. The Original Ronald McDonald – McDonald’s As much as we love Ronald McDonald, we have
to admit that the mascot’s original iteration wasn’t kid-friendly. The McDonald’s clown
mascot was introduced in the early sixties and, in his first TV appearances, looked like
a scarecrow who’d been feasting on the innards of the children gullible enough to eat at
McDonald’s. Seriously, this scarecrow clown creature would be more likely to make you
not want to go to McDonald’s, no matter how hungry you were. It’s not surprising that
so many people have clown-phobias if they were exposed to characters like this one at
a young age. Over the years, Ronald McDonald has been portrayed by many different actors
and his appearance has evolved greatly. People who have problems with clowns might still
find the modern version of the character unsettling, but he’s definitely improved with age. Clearly,
comparing modern day Ronald McDonald with this old version is literally night and day. In
fact, Ronald McDonald as he is now is one of our favorite fast food mascots of all-time.
It just took him a little while to figure out who he wanted to be. Consider that proof
that people do in fact change, even Ronald McDonald. Jared – Subway Most people are familiar with the story of
Jared from Subway. If you’re not, well, it’s not a good one. Jared was hired as
a spokesperson for Subway after an impressive weight loss, which he attributed to eating
only Subway sandwiches. He lost 245 pounds, to be exact. Subway thought that this would
be a good look for them, having a spokesperson that literally proved that eating Subway sandwiches
can help you reach your weight loss goals. Unfortunately, all was not right in Subwayland
and when the truth came out about Jared, it became a very, very bad look for them. For
fifteen years in the early 2000s, Jared appeared in many of Subway’s commercials, sharing his
story and endorsing the brand. He even made appearances in the film Sharknado and was
spoofed in an episode of South Park. By 2015, the now slimmer Jared from Subway was a household
name. Shock, surprise and a media frenzy surrounded Jared when it was learned he was being investigated
for multiple incidents involving minors, which he was eventually arrested and charged for.
‘Yikes’ would be an understatement. He was sentenced to almost sixteen years in prison.
Talk about something being too good to be true. Jared was the personification of a wolf
in sheep’s clothing. So, while Spongmonkeys are kind of gross, and the Sausage Mascot
rather unappetizing, Jared from Subway never had any real competition for the number one
spot on this list. For obvious reasons, he is hands down the worst fast-food mascot of
all time. It’s too bad for Subway, as they’ve never really managed to revamp with a new
spokesperson or mascot. Here’s to hoping they will soon, so we can all forget about Jared
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